New Year’s Eve is cause for reflection. Listening to testimonies of friends sharing very real ups and downs of 2014, I mused, “It was a good year for me; I can’t think of anything difficult about 2014!” Business goals met, more emotional healing, new car . . .
Really? No struggles? Figuring that can’t be quite right, I thought on it more and came up with a few stress points in 2015. But the reflections just brought rejoicing for growth God brought my way – and praise for the good God that He is! Certainly, if it had not been a good year, God would still be a Good God; but it was a good year. I am thankful. And I am thankful, too, that the relatively few trying moments wrought change in me. Beauty for ashes. And I needed that. Very. Very. Much.
Here are 3 of them:
More Trust in God (and less in my own ability or reasoning skills). Making big decisions -- think “life changes” and “big-ticket purchases” -- can throw me into a tizzy . . . a big bundle of nerves and fear. I want to know every potential consequence. Impossible? Of course. But I try. It takes a long time; and I am slow. Big decisions scare me.
That's why, in December 2013, when the need for a new-to-me car suddenly became an urgent reality, I added car research to my already full to-do list. It was scary. I had no idea what I wanted, since normally I pay no attention whatsoever to cars (until I need one!) but concern for how I would be able to visit family over Christmas energized and drove me (no pun intended!) to do my homework quickly.
Time or no time, I pre-arranged a loan with a credit union. I figured out what I wanted. One night I suddenly woke up from a sound sleep and opened my Kindle to find out what was available at my favorite dealership – “just to get a peek at what’s out there” – and there it was: a little red Cruze. I’d never heard of a Cruze. (Yeah, well . . . without TV, I miss what everyone else seems to know.)
“Okay, so that was easy after all. Thank you, Lord! I thought there wasn't time; but You took care of the details and prompted me right to that car! Now I know!” I learned a little more that night about trusting God for the details and called the dealership the next day.
More Trust in Others (because often they know more than I do). I didn’t buy that car. When I called the next day, I asked the salesman if he would be prepared to show me 2 cars when I arrive on Christmas Eve – the used one I saw online, and a new one of the same type. I told him I had a pre-approved loan for the used one; but that I wanted to consider both.
In my past, fear of trusting people with my inward thoughts would have prevented my sharing such contemplation. “What if he takes advantage of that and pressures or tricks me into something unreasonable? Sales tactics, you know . . . Besides, maybe I should not even be looking at a new car; it could be too enticing and I might even talk myself into a poor choice!”
However, with limited time on a holiday (December is recital month, and Christmas Eve was my only day to go look!) and having recently resolved to trust people more, I decided to let go of my sometimes uncalled-for fears. So I asked. Still, I knew my concerns were not completely unreasonable; so I prayed – honestly and humbly and fervently – that I would not be tempted to buy something beyond what I should . . . that I would make a good decision – the best purchase, one that would be faithful to God and His provision for me.
God brought victory to my all-too-typical inner battle that day (building walls of protection beyond what’s reasonable) and answered my prayer for guidance, as well! The good salesman had all the numbers ready for me; I did the math myself – and then, surprising to me (I really was ready to resist!), I ordered a new little red Cruze that, a year later, still makes me smile every time I get in it . . . not only because I like it so much, but because it is a constant reminder that God really does care about me and my needs. He really doesn’t want me to feel helpless or stranded – or even overwhelmed with decision making “all by myself.” I can trust Him – and others, too, when it is He Who gives me direction and peace.
Oh, and the overall cost of the new car? For me, notably less than the 3-year-old used one I first found -- by using GM financing instead of the credit union. Hmmm . . . I can pay more for a used car -- or less for a new one. It truly was a no-brainer! But I would not have known had I not learned to trust other people and ask the questions. I’ve grown this year as I learn the value of trust. And asking questions. And listening to others. And praying more humbly, knowing that I need God’s guidance in ALL things. Even when He wants to bless me more than I expect or think I deserve.
More Trust in Myself (when I must come through on things I believe I can’t). In February, my brand new little red Cruze met up with a deer on the highway. Hadn’t even had its first oil change! And now . . . a need for repair. I have many talents, but taking care of things like this is definitely not one of them. It’s scary to me. Phone calls, insurance companies, adjusters, body shop appointments, loaner cars . . . It all loomed large and heavy over me. So I procrastinated. That’s what I do when I feel a heavy weight.
I’m just being honest here: this kind of task can be paralyzing for me. If I told you why, most people would never understand; so I’ll spare the details of my weird thinking. Suffice it to say that I talked myself into believing I could probably just fix it myself -- later. Now THAT certainly IS weird thinking! I knew it, of course, so I finally made a plan and scheduled myself to start the ball rolling. I missed it. I repeated that plan, schedule, and good intention over and over.
Finally, a few months later and in fear of missing out because of possible limited time allowance, I set a date in stone and set aside a whole day to accomplish the important task of arranging to get the car fixed. Guess what? It took all of 3 minutes that day! (You probably already knew that, but for me . . . Well, I told you about that already.) After that, the insurance people did the rest! All I had to do was answer questions and, step by step, the job got done. Painlessly. It was only the tension of a couple months of procrastination that was NOT painless. But the lesson learned – growth for me – has played out to make life MUCH easier ever since. I believe in myself more. And I move forward more.
Well, that takes us through the first part of 2014. There’s more, but I get a bit wordy and soon New Year’s Day 2015 will be history. So I’ll stop there for now and wish you a Happy New Year in which God’s blessings abound. Remember: “Beauty for Ashes – All Things Lovely!”
Happy Birthday to my Cruze! I brought it home a year ago tomorrow; it was January 2. :-) And thanks for the lessons you helped me learn in 2014.